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Understanding how God writes beautiful stories and how that includes mine too.

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“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ “There are three things that will endure - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.”⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13 (NLT).⁠⠀

Something you may not know about me.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I love to ski.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I’m not a jumper, and I leave the moguls to those that get something out of the jarring.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ But I love to ski.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I love the push of a blue just as much as I love the mental force of a black.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I love to ride the wonder carpet behind my littlest and listen to him chatter about an imaginary snowboard race he’s about to take part in.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I love the wiggle of skeletal trees when the wind puff's its way across participant spotted runs.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I love the quiet chair lift ride, with my face exposed to the open air and the sound of joy braided into the sound of the fiberglass edge of a ski pushing through groomed snow.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I recently spent two years sitting on a couch while cancer and chemotherapy vied for my destruction. My lungs and muscles took a big hit and it’s taken a while to remind them that I’m really not as old as I have felt some days.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Being healthy enough to get out there and ski, gives me back a compelling.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ A way to breath deep and listen to my own soul.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Skiing gives me a place to see the majesty of Christ’s power.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ His power to heal me, and to love what has been sliced apart and made new.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ His power to watch three kids bear downhill with a sense of boldness only granted to those who know that, once upon a time, today might not have been.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ His power to stand a broken girl up on the precipice of faithfulness and fun, and slide down in surrender with skies overhead and saving grace gushing up under her coat. ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ His power seen in a marriage that had every prescribed reason to fall apart, but instead fell into place and solidified itself in the concrete of covenant.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ And, yes, all this happens out there on those hills.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Skiing gives me a chance to bend at the knee and brave the bumps and nod ‘yes’ at the beautiful way He’s allowed me to live this one life.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Skiing is a gift to me that I am so grateful for.⁠⠀

Up north, where we live, winter can be quite gray. We get a lot of snow, but snow comes from clouds and the clouds take the advantage and stick around for days. And sometimes those days turn into weeks. And sometimes some of us are weakened by the lack of sun.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ When February cleared away January, some of the clouds went with it. The sun began to shine through the breakfast windows like some vacation commercial through a dull documentary, so I put purpose before progress and ordered the kids outside. We hiked through our fields and slid down farm hills and sucked in large amounts of cold air. ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ We did this three days in a row and here’s what I learned from my kids. ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ When you walk with Maddy, or do anything with Maddy, walk slow. See the details. Study the details. And always evaluate the risks with the possibilities.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Brett teaches me to go. Just. Go. Go out big, like you fill the space and run zero risk of failing.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ And Judah, who wakes up every day just so happy to be alive, throws his head back, relaxes into the fun, and laughs contagiously at the adventure of it all.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ And as we angle our way back to the old farmhouse, I let the light smooth out the tension between my eyes. I slow the fictitious pace of accomplishment and see the smiles wiggle across their faces and get honest with myself about how transformative this Son walking really is.⁠⠀

The sun is shining. We’re taking a long PE recess. Also, he’s fine. He’s still sledding. 😉

Today is your birthday. Something you would have done all the cooking for, invited us all over, and sat with your smirky, debonair face while we sang loud and off key. No where in that evening would there have been an argument, a needling grudge to work out, or a my-day-was-harder-than-your-day attempt. It would have been loud laughter and enough food to make us think sustenance wouldn’t be needed for at least three days and you’d wear that big pink birthday party had with an even bigger grin on your face. You would have unwrapped gifts from the kids like fuzzy socks and stuffed pigs and exclaimed over each and every one how soft it was and how cool you felt now that you had one. And they’d believe you. You’d squish cake and frosting between your teeth and smile big for photos and pass out lime wedges to the toddlers because their reaction was worth pulling over for. You would scold anyone for attempting to help clean-up dishes because it was more important to sit and laugh and tell stories and listen to 9-year-old jokes for the millionth time and dishes weren’t going to walk away, they’ll be there in the morning, you’d say. And they were. And we wish with all our hearts that you were too. We still have a lot of love for you. It sits, now, in lost & found because we don’t know where else to put it. The love we have for you was something so unique that we’ve kind of just allowed it to float free. It seems too big to fit into just any old hole. But when we miss you, well, it’s the evidence of how much of it there was. Happy birthday, Treasure Ann Brower. With all my love, your daughter, Kathy.

For all those waiting today. Wondering.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ If that client will say ‘yes’.⁠⠀ If the weather will hold and the roads will be clear.⁠⠀ If the pregnancy test will usher relief.⁠⠀ If she’ll remember your name next time you visit her.⁠⠀ If there will be enough work with enough paychecks to cover it all.⁠⠀ If he’ll ever ask forgiveness.⁠⠀ If you’ll be able to hold it all together when the kids get overly loud.⁠⠀ If anyone out there believes in what you dream of.⁠⠀ If your hair will ever grow back.⁠⠀ If she’ll make it home safe.⁠⠀ If he gave his heart to Jesus.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ As the days drive deeper into winter, it gets harder to wait without pacing. Harder to wait on the sun to shine. Harder to wade through paperwork. Harder to wait for an answer, especially when we somehow think God is being irrationally still.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ But if anyone out there has ever held onto a child or a creature who wants to be somewhere else, then you know a little bit about how God must feel when we impatiently ask, ‘when?’ or ‘how much longer?’.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ In those moments of serious doubt, remember how chosen you are. Remember how eternally appointed you are and feel the belief in the message that God’s love waits for nothing when we surrender to His plan. Wait patiently, because He knows your future and He names you ‘holy’, and He primes you for greatness, and when all is said and done, He turns waiting into wonder.⁠⠀

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