Grace, Hope

Lest I Fall

 I didn’t need the old Farmers Almanac this year to feel the fall sweep in. I didn’t need the latest fashion magazine to flash this seasons new sweaters stuffed in my mailbox. And I definitely groaned inward at the splay of Halloween mess spilling all over my errand rounds. 




  The moon and the sun, they play this game of banter back and forth across the fragmented farmhouse and across the freshly harvested fields. I watch them equal out their appearance this time of year. And it’s this amazing rise of faith, this willingness to meet eye to eye, and I can almost hear a symphony composed in the background. This sound of the heavens celebrating another successful rotation of seasons, and this, their meeting in the dusk, in the dawn, is their faith-fueled offering to their Creator.  

 Occasionally, the clouds cluster and cover up the skies and occasionally, so does my ego. Occasionally, my fears and my hurry and my equations of how everything should be going and growing, all gather together and my life offering is so swampy I want to lock the doors and pull the calendar pages back and try again. My ego has these perfect intentions, “Look Lord, that’s not what I meant to show you, that’s not what I meant to show them.” I hear the hiss of the lie and feel my own edges dying.  

 All this sky, it’s this amazing blue. It’s void of any storms, and I realize this fall, this mark of autumnal change, can, actually, be really good. In this equaling out of the sun and moon, we’ve had an eclipse, and although during the brightest part of the day the sun easily could have veiled the moon, instead, in the dark of the night, it changed the moon. That old rotating rock up there, on a normal night, reflects light, but only parts of himself. And then, about once a month, it wakes from it’s drowsy cycle and boldly looks back at the sun, full faced, and I watch in awe. It’s a single note pulled by some invisible bow across a lone string and it offers all it’s light. I wonder at it, if it’s straight at the Creator that it stares. And this season, not only did it face straight-on, but it was changed. Completely changed by the light, in. this. season.
 I sweep the first falling leaves off the drive and notice the sweep of light dancing through branches. I sigh large and pray deep and beg for that full faced look of my Redeemer. And I too am looking for change. Maybe if I rotated my thoughts. But how? I feel the connection, sometimes, and the Lord is right there and all is clear and I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt before, but, as they say, beauty is fleeting, and as soon as the husband works to many late evenings and the girl skips the corners of the bathroom again, the baby grows fussy and dumps his whole plate straight to the sandy floor, what about those times? Suddenly I find my edges crinkle straight in and I’m nothing but a slight sliver of someone who, once, maybe, looked like the image of her Savior?  

 There is no symphony playing. No song calling my name. Nothing but a dark night with no stars and no moon. My reflection is completely jejune. And then it hits me. My life is dull and has completely lost it’s beauty because I have failed to draw. every. breath. with. the. word. of. God. My ego led the way through scripture reading and through bathroom cleaning and, quite frankly, right through parenting!

Scripture says, “For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” James 3:16 NLT. My ego leads my selfish ambition!

 This is a lot to swallow. I want to rest beautifully in the light of the Lord, but my perfection doesn’t seem to be the same as HIS perfection, and so my “beauty” looks like nothing other than chaos and disorder.

 The moon cannot change himself but he must come full circle and face the sun before he can be changed. Before his composer can write his song. Before his beauty can be seen for what it really is. And do you know what that is? It’s the perfect reflection of the SON. “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” Proverbs 19:21 NLT.

 That, friend, is beauty worth seeing, worth wearing, worth rotating towards. Seek His face and you will see His plan and you will know His purpose and ALL will be beautiful!

In pure pivoting waltz,

~kathy b

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